Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
