I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
