i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
