i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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