I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
