Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
