Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
