So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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