The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
