I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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