Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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