can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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