In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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