she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
