.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize