please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The feeling are messing with the penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
