I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
