if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
