my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
