all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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