My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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