I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
