Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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