He uses pillows to masturbate.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
