I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
