If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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