I just saw a hot homeless man
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
