wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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