She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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