Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He passed out mid-signature
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
