Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
