I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
