i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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