i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize