You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
