yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
