there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
