Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The air was thick with penises
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
