You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize