My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize