As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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