Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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