You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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