She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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