Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
