I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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