in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
