Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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