no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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