Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
