A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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