now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
