I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
