Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
