in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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