20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
