I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
