I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
