I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
