i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
