This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
