If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
