Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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