nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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