Christians are straight up FREAKS
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
