After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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