i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
