I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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