Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
