Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
your room smells of hookers.
And success
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
