I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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